No Soliciting Sign

The following is a sign that I’ve had posted on the door of my apartment for about a year. I got tired of the constant stream of solicitors asking for money, magazine subscriptions, etc. I’ve had a few requests for copies of the sign from friends, pizza delivery people, and FedEx employees, so I thought I’d post it here. (Please understand that the threat of violence contained within is jocular in nature).

NO SOLICITING!

(Unless you are someone under the age of 12 selling something sweet, like cookies or candy, at a price not to exceed $2.00, for your scout troop, sports team, or church group. I’m sympathetic to child slave labor, I like kids, and I like cookies even better.)

But if you do not fall into that category, I don’t want your magazine because I already have a subscription. I don’t want your newspaper because I already get it. I do not want to pay you to run, walk, swim, jog, jog-walk, swim-jog, or walk-run. I do not want to pay you to cure AIDS. I don’t want to fund your fraternity’s trip to Mexico. I genuinely hope that together we can help stop female breast cancer, and while I’ll be more than happy to give you a free exam, I do not want to pay you to examine others. I do not want a “trial” anything. I do not want to pay you to leave me alone, that’s what this sign is for. I do not want you to keep standing in front of my door, reading this sign in the hopes that I might have posted an exception for your particular breed of leech. If you want my money, feel free to try robbing me. I carry a knife with a 4-inch blade and will gladly extend your smile to your ears. Thank you, and the best of luck screwing over my neighbors.

Comments

  1. says

    Well, this site is published under a Creative Commons license. You are free to copy or reproduce anything you see here for nonprofit use, so as long as you give me credit. So feel free to print up a copy, noting somewhere on the sign where you got it. :-)

  2. Amanda, Australia says

    I just love the sign. Good on you. I laughed so hard and nearly cried, as we all have the same problem no matter where we live. Thumbs up you’re on a winner here!

  3. says

    Lol really funny, though I have one suggestion, why not add them as points instead of a paragraph and bold important words?

    Wish I could copy it, but then I would need to translate it into Hindi and Marathi as well!

    And the dumb people will still ring the bell!

  4. Sally says

    Perfect. I wish I would have had this a couple of weeks ago. I have a sign on my door and mailbox at the beginning of my driveway. Neither of which could the salesman read. He stood on my front porch for 20 minutes knocking on the door and ringing the door bell. I finally opened the door and told him if he didn’t leave the cops would be called and that I had no problem shooting him.

  5. Sammy says

    I think some of your posted comments are pretty hard. I think a lot of you people are becoming worse than what you don’t like to see at your door. I once felt a desire to teach other people, and the No Soliciting signs really hurt me, when all I wanted to do was share good things. This is wrong, and inhibits the promotion of new thinking and discussion.

  6. Jeffrey says

    But Sammy what makes you think that WE DON”T KNOW WHAT WE WANT in life??? Do you seriously think we are just waiting at home for you to knock on our door to enlighten us? Get real. If we want it, we will SEEK IT OUT and find it all by ourselves. Nobody wants to be bothered at home. Let that be a new way of thinking for you. Its just another way to sell your product, whatever it is. I am insulted that every Jehovah thinks that my belief in God is so weak that I will convert to their way of thinking…5 times now! And if I wanted my lawn mowed, don’t you think I would do it? Do I really need a landscaper knocking at my door? I know all about the yellow pages THANKS… magazine subscriptions are cheaper on eBay, and tell all your telemarketing buddies too. NO SOLICITING but don’t take it personally.

  7. HappyGirl says

    I simply put a “no soliciting” sign on my door, but the religious people still come and knock. Any suggestion? Is “no soliciting” only limited to selling only?

  8. morganusvitus says

    The site looks great ! Thanks for all your help ( past, present and future !)

  9. Rita garrett says

    Loved your sign,I work with the public all day and when I get home dont want to be messed with, only my family who I love dearly….stay the hell off my property,dont want your junk,cookies etc,this is why I live where I live,in the boonies with neighbors not on top of me,who I suspect feel as I do….this message of yours would relate to my answering machine also.
    Thanks for the laugh, could not have put it better

  10. Kristy says

    I would have to agree with Jeffrey’s comments to Sammy. It’s NOT personal, but sometimes I take it that way when religious zellods “assume” that I need to be enlightened to “their” way of thinking! One time I was tired of it and decided to enlighten my visitors to my way of thinking…they were NOT interested in listening to my take on God. It’s their way or nothing.

    I found a great site where you can custom make your own sign..but then it timed out and I lost it. I saw a doormat one time that I wanted to duplicate. It said, “No soliciting. We already found God, we have a vacuum, bought cookies, and donated to charity. Have a good day, elsewhere.” I thought it was to the point. If I find the site again, I will be back to post the link.

  11. says

    Quoth Sammy:

    I once felt a desire to teach other people, and the No Soliciting signs really hurt me, when all I wanted to do was share good things. This is wrong, and inhibits the promotion of new thinking and discussion.

    So apparently your desire to “share good things” (and no, I don’t what to know what) trumps my desire to enjoy peace and tranquility in my own home? It’s bad enough I can’t ignore the phone; I have to at least look at the call display to ensure it’s not my ship trying to reach me. You think “No Soliciting” is hard? If I thought the strata council would allow it, my sign would read “If I didn’t invite you over, fuck off.” You and your ilk have no God-, Jehova-, or any other deity-given right to invade my privacy. Any damage this does to your grubby little feelings concerns me not at all.

  12. gail says

    I LOVE UR SIGN,, I WILL COPY IT AND POST IT ON MY DOOR
    AND WILL STATE WHERE I GOT IT
    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE USE OF UR SIGN AND I KNOW
    THIS ONE WILL WORK ON THE PESKY SOLICITORS

  13. Lilian says

    I usually don’t mind having sales people over, or religious ones. I am sympathetic that they are either trying to make a living (better than stealing) and/or have some beliefs to share. However, there is this guy from a landscaping company that has come 3 times trying to sell his services, and I always say no, but he keeps coming back. One of the times I was in the shower and he kept making conversation with my 4-year-old daughter through the window (her bedroom is upstairs and the window was open, and she was supposed to be taking a nap). My son told me after my shower and I found the guys’ card at the door. How harassing is that? I am getting one of these signs and if he shows up again, I am calling the police.

  14. anonomous says

    this may be of some interest to you people who have issues with solicitors.

    At my old school we used to go door to door selling honey(a type of solicitation). however some of the students aka the honey vandals,(a super exclusive club that only a few ultra hard core students were allowed into) had the “grand” idea of going to a house with a no soliciting sign and wrecking the mailbox(ie writing the f word) andor ringing the bell and running like hell. i haven’t gone to that school for a while now but i sometimes hear rumors that this ring and run thing is still in operation. to all those who want to stop those annoying ring and run tactics chop all trees and shrubs down and put in lawn or decorative rocks(to improve lines of sight. one kid got caught in the act because the owner happened to be at the front 2mins after the bell rang and saw him on the sidewalk. Busted!!! ) or get a survellance camera and install it at the front door. rumor has it that the #1 rule is that you are not supposed to bee seen when you pull off this type of stunt. these 2 tips will help stop some of the stupid pranks these junior salesmen are pulling off. btw i was never part of this

    i think this is called disturbing the peace. but some students think it was is and will continue to be the best fun on the job ever.

    one student reported that when he did this some guy came out 4 mins later and yelled “who the F did that” or so goes the rumor
    no soliciting signs are one of the many still to this day classified criteria the so called honey vandals use to pick their targets for destruction.

    they claim they were never caught

  15. Ricky Martin founderof Alpha Phi Omega Inc. says

    http://www.mydoorspam.com have the best no door/ no soliciting signs on the market. These signs are tasteful, great craftsmanship, and very elegant. One of the best things is that the signs get your attention from the street. They are also a enhancement to any landscape. It’s not something you put on your window or your front door. I didn’t want to mess up my windows or door. I can put it in my flower bed or in the grass. Now my family and I can rest easily and still in a polite way say no thank you without even opening the door. These signs should be in every major store. Guys at mydoorspam.com this is a winner!
    Ricky and Lashawn Martin
    Baton Rouge, Louisiana

  16. Ricky Martin founderof Alpha Phi Omega Inc. says

    http://www.mydoorspam.com have the best no door/ no soliciting signs on the market. These signs are tasteful, great craftsmanship, and very elegant. One of the best things is that the signs get your attention from the street. They are also a enhancement to any landscape. I can put it in my flower bed or in the grass. Now my family and I can rest easily and still in a polite way say no thank you without even opening the door. These signs should be in every major store. Guys at mydoorspam.com this is a winner!
    Ricky and Lashawn Martin
    Baton Rouge, Louisiana

  17. alocal says

    you guys need to realises that when someone puts a “no soliciting” sign on your door,it does not mean we don’t have a right to knock on the door. it means nothing legally. so stop complaining and simply don’t answer the door. calling the cops, go ahead, 90% of door knockers have a permit for this. the cops will go away since the city they work for just gave them a permit to knock on doors for their town.

  18. PPP says

    I have a sign on the gate on my porch-No soliciting. Plus a sign thatsays-Keep gate closed at all times-DOGS!

    Never stops them- they still come up on the porch and ring the bell. Leave their stuff in the screen. I live in the country and want my Peace! Have 9 dogs-they bark if they hang anyone- these saleman,etc… still ring the bell.

    How about a sign that says,” Soliciting? Ring bell. Will be asked my a 9MM! Now do you get the message?

  19. Dave says

    I would add to your list

    Your God is a false God and I like my crappy house just the way it is.

  20. Onikaze says

    “you guys need to realises that when someone puts a “no soliciting” sign on your door,it does not mean we don’t have a right to knock on the door. it means nothing legally. so stop complaining and simply don’t answer the door.”
    Or sales people could respect the wishes of people that don’t want to be bothered. Many people have dogs that go absolutely nuts when someone knocks on the door – so whether they answer or not their peace and tranquility that one expects in their home is already disrupted. If a person disregards a “No Soliciting” sign it already means they lack any consideration because they are not showing any.

    The religious folks are the particularly irksome ones because they think that they are doing you some kind of favor.. sharing the “good” word or “saving” you. How one religion’s mythology is considered more plausible than another’s is beyond me. How anyone can suggest with a straight face that a dude walking on water is more believable than a deity with an elephant’s head is baffling. I guess the Siddartha Buddha at my front door brings ‘em running, though.

    I had two ladies this morning state they saw the sign, but that they weren’t soliciting. To solicit means “to seek to obtain by persuasion, entreaty, or formal application.” Religious solicitors are basically seeking to obtain your agreement, membership, conversion to their way of thinking, etc. They don’t want your money in return. They want your brain.

    My father in law had a great way of blowing people off. He always said, “There three things I never discuss with strangers: sex, religion, and politics. Good day.” It’s polite, but very straightforward… blunt enough that it shines on the folks that easily get their feathers ruffled. And just the mention of the word “sex” can offend the sensibilities of the churchies. But it all fits under the jocular definition of tact – to tell someone to go to hell and make them feel happy to be on their way.

  21. says

    I love the sign; I came online just to find something like this. One day I was under my car trying to fix something, and these two church ladies walked right by me and knocked on my door which has a nice No Soliciting Sign on it. My wife wasn’t home so I ignored them hoping they would not notice me. No such luck on the way out they did. They asked me if they could talk to me and I said I was kind of busy which should have been obvious from the sweat and grease. Then they asked me if they could come back later. I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings especially two nice old ladies but I had to tell them I really rather not have them come back. Like most people if I want somethng I will find it my self.

  22. says

    Thank you for the sign! I have needed this so badly! I live in a area where every weekend I get an average of 3 annoying ppl come to my door a day! thats 6 ppl on my sat and sunday harassing me. Its sad that we have to post a sign gently saying fuck off. If we wanted your crap I’d come to you. Don’t come to me. Thx again!

  23. Shannon says

    THANK YOU so much for this sign. We received another visit from the friendly assholes at 7 a.m. wanting to know if anyone in our apt spoke Spanish, or if any neighbors did. Adding a line in for yet another fav of mine: I do not want to find god unless he/she/it is playing hide and seek. Printing this up and passing it around. THANK YOU

  24. Jack says

    alocal said:

    “you guys need to realises that when someone puts a “no soliciting” sign on your door,it does not mean we don’t have a right to knock on the door. it means nothing legally. so stop complaining and simply don’t answer the door. calling the cops, go ahead, 90% of door knockers have a permit for this. the cops will go away since the city they work for just gave them a permit to knock on doors for their town.”

    OH how wrong you are!! It is called TRESPASSING and it is illegal!! Your permit does NOT trump and/or give you the legal right to trespass on my property where a “no solicitors” sign in posted.

    How do I know this? Because I charged 2 solicitors with trespassing — AND IT STUCK! And they had permits.

    Nice try “alocal”, but you are “awrong.”

  25. Carol says

    Thank you so much for this. I have been going nuts with the solicitors. The one that pushed me over the top was the gal that was mad at me when I told her I was closing the door because I was not interested and she told me I was rude! My sign went up the next day. But I like the tone of this one and have been looking for something witty!

    I will add something for the church people who are not “soliciting”. Yeah, they ignored the sign!

  26. Craig says

    Why would anyone want to alienate people who have No Soliciting signs posted?? It seems counter-productive to me.

  27. Cathy says

    I put up the following note on my door after my “No Soliciting” sign went unnoticed:

    Please Ring Bell! But….
    If you are a solicitor – meaning selling, offering services, looking for donations or religious groups, DON’T BOTHER! I have already bought, done it myself, donated, converted!

    Have not had a single solicitor since.

  28. Al says

    Check out Ebay for a No Religious Soliciting / Visit sign. they work great. Keeps the JW away. politely.

  29. Kimberly Christofferson says

    I absolutely LOVE the no soliciting sign above! Two weeks ago an AT&T “rep” rang the doorbell repeatedly. My now ex-fiance answered the door, and told him he worked nights. The guy came back the next day, at the same time, and must have kept his finger on the doorbell, because it wouldn’t stop ringing. I happened to be home with my VERY sick cat-kid. I greeted Mr. AT&T rep, told him once again to NOT come to my house again, and that he’d once again woke Tom up. He replied, “Fine, I’ll come by later tonight then.” I started yelling at him. I will be making a nice plaque out of the above, and want to thank the poster for sharing it! THANK YOU!

  30. Leigh Zimmerman says

    I love this sign! Am trying to convince my boyfriend to let us put it on the door. We get a lot of very questionable people knocking on our door. However, my boyfriend said instead of this he could just go to the gun range, shoot the hell out of a target (lots of head shots), bring the target home and then tape it inside of the glass door. Maybe that will keep people off our porch!!!

  31. Dave says

    Great sign. I have a sign posted for the religious types who come by frequently that says “God and I have a perfectly good relationship and boy would he or she be pissed if he or she thought you were trying to change it.” It seems to work.

  32. JillS says

    Great idea! Just this weekend I had to post one on my house. It simply says “No solicitation! We do NOT want your steaks, eggs, etc.” Steak salesmen were stalking us up to 3 times a month!! Now I need one for the driveway that says, “Just because I have a driveway full of cool, classic cars does NOT mean they are for sale. Now scram!” (We have 7 old cars and people constantly stop to say, “Uhh, which one is for sale?”)

  33. Liz says

    This is a great sign. Just last week posted my front door, to try and keep the political zealots away. You may add that group to the list too!

Trackbacks

  1. […] No Soliciting NO SOLICITING! (Unless you are someone under the age of 12 selling something sweet, like cookies or candy, at a price not to exceed $2.00, for your scout troop, sports team, or church group. I’m sympathetic to child slave labor, I like kids, and I like cookies even better.) But if you do not fall into that category, I don’t want your magazine because I already have a subscription. I don’t want your newspaper because I already get it. I do not want to pay you to run, walk, swim, jog, jog-walk, swim-jog, or walk-run. I do not want to pay you to cure AIDS. I don’t want to fund your fraternity’s trip to Mexico. I genuinely hope that together we can help stop female breast cancer, and while I’ll be more than happy to give you a free exam, I do not want to pay you to examine others. I do not want a “trial” anything. I do not want to pay you to leave me alone, that’s what this sign is for. I do not want you to keep standing in front of my door, reading this sign in the hopes that I might have posted an exception for your particular breed of leech. If you want my money, feel free to try robbing me. I carry a knife with a 4-inch blade and will gladly extend your smile to your ears. Thank you, and the best of luck screwing over my neighbors. From the Tempus Fugit blog […]

  2. by an idiot coming to my house today who claimed he was “NOT” actually trying to sell me a security system that he swore my local police department was wanting EVERYBODY to have in their homes…and one damned funny comedian who posted at  http://txfx.net/2004/02/22/no-soliciting-sign/.  Now showing at my front door: _______________________ NO DOOR SOLICITING!   What does this mean????? If you are selling food, baked goods, candy, fruit, cheese and sausage or something like this

  3. by an idiot coming to my house today who claimed he was “NOT” actually trying to sell me a security system that he swore my local police department was wanting EVERYBODY to have in their homes…and one damned funny comedian who posted at  http://txfx.net/2004/02/22/no-soliciting-sign/.  Now showing at my front door: _______________________ NO DOOR SOLICITING!   What does this mean????? If you are selling food, baked goods, candy, fruit, cheese and sausage or something like this

  4. […] Date Posted: Jul/13/2006 8:40 AM NO SOLICITING! http://txfx.net/2004/02/22/no-soliciting-sign/ (Unless you are someone under the age of 12 selling something sweet, like cookies or candy, at a price not to exceed $2.00, for your scout troop, sports team, or church group. I’m sympathetic to child slave labor, I like kids, and I like cookies even better.)But if you do not fall into that category, I don’t want your magazine because I already have a subscription. I don’t want your newspaper because I already get it. I do not want to pay you to run, walk, swim, jog, jog-walk, swim-jog, or walk-run. I do not want to pay you to cure AIDS. I don’t want to fund your fraternity’s trip to Mexico. I genuinely hope that together we can help stop female breast cancer, and while I’ll be more than happy to give you a free exam, I do not want to pay you to examine others. I do not want a “trial” anything. I do not want to pay you to leave me alone, that’s what this sign is for. I do not want you to keep standing in front of my door, reading this sign in the hopes that I might have posted an exception for your particular breed of leech. If you want my money, feel free to try robbing me. I carry a knife with a 4-inch blade and will gladly extend your smile to your ears. Thank you, and the best of luck screwing over my neighbors.Edit: More links:This Design is Available on 54 Products http://www.cafepress.com/buy/private+property/No%20soliciting/  Message edited by: rgilbert on 2006-07-13 09:00:28 CDT […]

  5. […] …knocking on my door, or trying to stop me from walking away from their religious spewings, I feel no need to be aggressive towards them. I feel the same way, however, where I live it’s very difficult to do that down here. In the last month I’ve had people from the following churches knocking on my door to "spread their message: Southern Baptists, Mormons, members of the Church of Christ, Jehovah’s witnesses. Since moving into our current home, we’ve received an average of three visits a month. It’s gotten so old, that I have a stock answer as soon as I open the door: "Look, I was raised Methodist, my mom is a recovered Mormon, I was a ‘born again’ Baptist for about two months, I’m married to a Catholic, and I am now atheist…you’re not going to convince me." Thus far it has worked pretty well. I’m wondering if a sign on your door – ‘no unsolicited visits’ or something like that? I know my country is in the proceedure of something like this for phonecalls and we have a ‘no junk mail’ on our letterbox. I found this about the legal ramifications of unwanted soliciting by Jehovah’s Witnesses: http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/conlaw/stratton.html another article here from a First Ammendment group: http://www.freedomforum.org/templates/document.asp?documentID=16431 Found these: http://www.tiburon-belvedere.com/cgi/home.cgi?c=No_Soliciting Uh, I think this one is a joke… http://txfx.net/2004/02/22/no-soliciting-sign/ BTW – H2G2’s take on the ‘dangers of doorknocking’… maybe give this as a flyer in return… http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A3682352 _________________"None of us knows so much that we can blamelessly make fun of others." – Pyrrho. […]

  6. No Soliciting Signs…

    They came again! Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my door and it was obvious they came to me because they were signing to each other. I have a “No soliciting” sign right by the doorbell, but they probably don’t see themselves……

  7. t find a sign or information that takes care of the religious groups. I’m quite happy with my religion and have a relationship with G-d. I don’t need complete strangers talking to me about it and I don’t have time to shoo them away. I love the funny sign here, but it’s too long and I doubt they’ll read it. A comment in the entry refers to yard signs, but I think the sign by the doorbell is enough as I hardly ever get solicitors anymore since posting it. Besides, I already have two signs in my yard and

  8. […] far cry from some of the even more creative signs I’ve come across in researching this on the Net…No soliciting signPlease, think of the pit bullsDon’t f–k with naptime (scroll down for picture)There’s always “Porn […]

  9. […] likely to be home.Perfect timing.Please, come sell me something, right?Wrong.I’m taking a page from this guy, but I’m not putting that kind of sign up. Nor am I doing any landscaping. I’m just going to go […]