Healthcare.gov and Impossible Family Structures

In which I attempted to sign up with healthcare.gov and was stymied by its apparent inability to grok the structure of my family (consisting of me, my wife, and two sons).

Live chat transcript:

[10:18:00 pm]: Thanks for contacting Health Insurance Marketplace Live Chat. Please wait while we connect you to someone who can help.
[10:18:03 pm]: Please be patient while we’re helping other people.
[10:18:07 pm]: Welcome! You’re now connected to Health Insurance Marketplace Live Chat.

Thanks for contacting us. My name is Mark. To protect your privacy, please don’t provide any personal information, like Social Security Number, or any other sensitive medical or personal information.
[10:19:37 pm]: Mark Do you have any questions that I can help you with?
[10:20:30 pm]: Mark I seem to be stuck in some sort of redneck family relationship loop.
[10:21:37 pm]: Mark It thinks my wife is my grandaughter, my second son is my first son’s father, and that my wife is the sister of my sons. And now it thinks that one of my sons is his own brother. And also possibly his own legal guardian.
[10:23:53 pm]: Mark I’m also considering the possibility that you are actually me, from the future. Pretty sure time travel is the only way to resolve this neatly.
[10:24:33 pm]: Mark you can call the marketplace at 1-800-318-2596 and they can help you resolve this issue.
[10:24:41 pm]: Mark I apologize for the inconvenience.
[10:25:24 pm]: Mark Thanks for your interest in the Health Insurance Marketplace. We have a lot of visitors trying to use our website right now. This is causing some glitches for some people trying to create accounts or log in. Keep trying, and thanks for your patience. You might have better success during off-peak hours, like later at night or early in the morning. We’ll continue working to improve the site so you can get covered!
[10:26:56 pm]: Mark Do you have any other questions that I can help you with?
[10:27:44 pm]: Mark Nah. I’m probably going to have to talk to my wife and a really clever geneticist to answer my other questions. Thanks!
[10:27:53 pm]: Mark Thank you for contacting Health Insurance Marketplace Live Chat. We are here to help you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
[10:28:24 pm]: Mark thanks for the laughs, you have a great since of humor about the whole thing.
[10:29:27 pm]: Mark :-)
[10:29:37 pm]: Mark Thank you for contacting Health Insurance Marketplace Live Chat. We are here to help you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
[10:29:40 pm]: ‘Mark’ has left the chat session.
[10:29:42 pm]: Your chat session is over. Thanks for contacting us, and we hope we’ve answered your questions. Have a great day.

5 thoughts on “Healthcare.gov and Impossible Family Structures

  1. David Ushka

    Thanks for the laughs, at this point, there is nothing left to do. Hopefully, the $400MM we dropped on this website scored someone a free set of Ginsu knives at the least.

    Reply
  2. Pingback: This is How New and Improved Healthcare.gov is Working Today | Political Thrill

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